Les Brost

“Would you like to talk about conflict?” That question gets a lot of different reactions from clients. Their body language speaks volumes. Some people seem to shrink within themselves, pushing back into their chairs, eyes narrowing and their arms hugged tight around their bodies. Others sit up straight and lean forward in their chairs, their eyes opening wide, and their arms coming up in front of their bodies. It often seems as though all the air has left the room.

Yes, “Conflict” is a loaded word. It often represents the worst aspects of our human behaviour, too often resulting in human suffering and death. 

The reality is that we cannot avoid conflict. It is both a necessary byproduct of our interaction with each other, and an essential ingredient to growth and development. In our personal and business lives, conflict may be to success what yeast is to wine. The key is in understanding how to manage conflict and make it work for us.

What causes conflict? Conflict occurs when we diverge with others regarding: our perception of a problem; goals, beliefs philosophies and values; roles, responsibilities and boundaries; approaches to problem solving; limited commodities; emotional needs; and our interpretation of the law.

That pretty well covers the waterfront, doesn’t it? That’s why conflict is an inevitable reality of daily life. It’s also why we can’t avoid its presence, unless we choose to live a lonely cave.

In personal relationships, we pay for avoided conflict with relationships where feelings first “go underground” and then just “go away’. Managed conflict brings us closer together and creates deep, dynamic mutual understandings.

In business, if there are twelve people around the table who all think the same way, you have eleven people too many. Managed conflict harnesses the diversity of the team in the service of innovation and creativity.

There is good news. Conflict can be a positive force in our business and personal life. By managing conflict, we can grow, stretch, and create opportunities for learning and success.

We work with individuals and organizations to make conflict a positive part of their lives. The life skills and concepts we teach are simple yet profound, and go to the heart of leadership skills and personal accountability. They have worked for others, and we know that they will work for you and / or your organization. Please email lesbrost@telus.net or telephone at 250-538-7731 for more information about personal or family Conflict Management counseling or a Workshop for your organization.